Courage to Change

A third round of antibiotics!  NOT good.  So tired of being tired.  The doctor took a look at the wound on my breast and said..."Nope, that should be completely gone by now."

Frankly, I agree with her.  I don't want to go to that dark place of "what if?"  So I am trying to think positively.  I actually am not making a judgement at all.  

It is times like these when I KNOW I am not in control.  I have to depend on the Almighty and Eternal One to see me through whatever comes.  I know He loves me and only wants the best for me.  It is ME that is the problem.  

I realize that I have not been good to my body at all.  I have abused it horribly with food and lack of exercise.  This is what I have sown and so I must reap that which I have sown.  I must depend upon His mercy for forgiveness and His grace to face the consequences of my actions with courage and dependence on Him.  

The prayer I find myself saying is the Serenity Prayer.  Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

So, there are going to be some changes made.  Stay tuned.

Quiet

The last couple of days have been very quiet around here.  Nothing much going on really.  Hot, humid, no rain. 

Monday I had a doctor's appointment to have some blood drawn.  My thyroid is way out of whack and so we are trying to get the medicine adjusted so my thyroid starts working correctly.  I also, have an open wound that I wanted the doctor to look at.  Turns out that I was prescribed antibiotics (which I hate) and she wants to see me again next week.  

It appears that the antibiotics are working because I can see some healing but....I have been feeling horrible due to the medicine.  I have had to post-pone some of my online students.  It has been hard.  Hopefully, Thursday things will be better and I won't have to do anything further.  If it is not to the doctor's liking then I will have to have a mammogram.
Now this is not good news.  However, I will keep praying.  I know that Hashem has everything under control.

Big hugs to all and more later.

Total Upset

Well, this will just be a quick note update our status.
#1  We did NOT get on the train and move to Missouri.... very, very long story and many tears shed.
#2 We DID move though.  We moved in with my father in La Grange, Texas.  We spent a wonderful 6 months with him.  So thankful for all he did for us and the love and support he gave us....without condemnation and "I told you sos."   During this time my mother died.  May her memory be blessed.  Very difficult for all of us.  But so grateful that her pain is over.  Thank You Hashem.
#3 We MOVED once again, in April to Center, TX.  Richard is the radio news director for Center Broadcasting Company and has ventured into the sales aspect as well.   We love it here.
#4  And finally the shocker. Most of people consider us Jewish...now we are making it official.  We have found a wonderful synagogue in Tyler and we are becoming Jewish by Choice.  It is a year-long process and we are just beginning.  So this blog will contain many things that we are learning as we take this awesome journey.  The next blog with be the story of how we came to this place.

If you comment, please be kind.  Your opinion is important, but we have made up our minds and are firmly planted on this pathway.  If you think we are headed in the wrong direction, PLEASE PRAY.  We are always talking to the Father to determine our steps....so if we are "wrong" He will show us.  As always you will be in our prayers.

More later... blessings in Hashem, Baruch Hu!

Final Days

The boxes are packed and shipped.  The things are moved out of the apartment.  The cat has found a new home.  Now what?  Now comes the anticipation and prayer and REST!  

This last month, Elul, has been a time of weeding out our lives.  We have discarded the unnecessary items of living in the world.  And with each discard, we made a step closer to the arms of the lover of our soul.  It was painful, but a sweet pain in knowing that on the other side of the pain is pure JOY in His presence.   For the Joy set before Him Yeshua endured the pain of the stake.  It was joy that motivated Him and love for me and you.  And in this season of simchah (joy) may I face my fears and the pain of letting go, in JOY?!

We have been so blessed. It is appropriate that we are moving at the time of the Fall Feasts.  They represent a new beginning in the life of every believer.  They signal the return of our Messiah to set up HIS kingdom on earth.  It is a wake up call to get our houses in order and make ourselves ready for the return of the King of Kings.  

I love this time of the year.  There is a true joy in my heart during the cooler months.  It is refreshing to my physical body and a renewal for my soul.  The heat and the trials of the summer make the heart thirsty and the fall rains provide that much needed drink of water from the streams that flow in the city of Yah.

So, as I wait eagerly for the day we board the train to our new lives, I pray that I am able to soak up all the goodness of Yah.  I want to be renewed and refreshed when we get to our new lives.  I want my heart and my soul to be clean and ready for whatever HE wants to share with me.

Final days to a new beginning...Praise Yah!

Adventures in Moving ~ Part 2

It amazes me how much STUFF one can accumulate in the course of just simple daily living.  It has come to me that the more time I spend in one place the more THINGS I acquire.  And with those acquisitions come responsibilities as well.  As we de-clutter to make our move across the 1,000 miles to a new home and state, I am made aware that there must be some order to our world and the less stuff you have the more order you have.

WE finally finished, weeding through the 'treasures' of our lives and have come to a workable order with the rest of our Things.  Phew!  I was wondering if it was ever going to be accomplished.  

We have relegated ourselves to, four 18"X18" boxes, and four 28"X12" carry-ons.  Two of the carry-ons are our tent, and our air mattress.  So in essence, we even have our house and our bed, in hand.  Our lives now fit in a 10' X 14' tent for a total of 140 sq. ft.  What an accomplishment!

Today is Sabbath preparation day and we are finished packing.  We are ready to go.  I am so thankful that we will be able to have a stress free shabbat.  Our friends have graciously invited us to dinner.  I am so looking forward to the rest and fellowship with other believers.  

The balance of our time here will be spent in rest and Gabriel's training of his replacement at work.  From here we go to San Antonio to spend the night and board the train for Missouri the next morning.  We can sit back, relax and let someone else do the driving.  We can enjoy each other's company and the scenery.  Then after 20 hours, we will arrive at our destination and the arms of our new family.  Our new lives begin the moment we step foot on the train.  May Abba help us and guide us!

Back to the Beginning

Our whole lives have been focused on returning to the ancient paths, and yet, lately I have let the current events cloud my way.  What have I been thinking?  Obviously, I have veered from the strait and narrow.  It is time to get back on course and follow the original Way!  

Another thing thing that frustrates me is how easily I am swayed.  I know better and still, I get caught up in the latest lashon hara/gossip.  I then begin to make bad decisions and now I am understanding that is why my life ends up in a mess.  I am determined to redirect that negative, pot-stirring voice and replace it with things that are good and lovely and of good report.  Things full of virtue and praise to the One who is above all!

So the original course of action was our move and eventual settlement in community.  And so it will continue to be.  

Each time I stop and take a moment and re-evaluate where I am and where I am headed, it gives me greatest shalom to find the place of origin and retrace my thoughts and actions to find out where I went off course.  Then I can start from that point and change my direction.  

I have always been of the belief that as long as I am in motion, whether I am on the right path or not, the Father will be able to easily move me back to HIS plan.  I have experienced it many a time and I take great comfort in knowing that even though I have "plans" it is Adonai who directs my steps.

And so, I am returning to the beginning of this phase of my life and making some course corrections in order to line up with the Father's will.  I am so grateful He is patient and merciful.

Adventures in Moving Part 1

So much has happened and to try and backtrack and tell of all the wonderful miracles HaShem has performed would be a huge task in itself.  I will not attempt this.  I will only say that every step along the way has been a testimony to His Grace toward His children.  In Psalm 119 He tells us that His Word is a Lamp unto our Feet and a Light to our Path.  I have truly experienced this in the last two months.  Each time it seemed that we were losing our way, I would pray for confirmation, Light,  to be sure we were on the right path.  And each time, WITHOUT FAIL, Abba would give us a sign of some sort to help us keep our faith and continue in the way He was leading.  I have never before experienced such faithfulness.  Not because of Him but because I was never faithful enough to pray at each step.  

This journey has changed my life.  It is said that Hebrew people pray 3 times a day.  I would love to learn to be that faithful.  But, baby steps, right?   Gabriel and I have started each day for the last 3 months with the Shema and the Prayer to Our Father, then spending time in prayer together.  It doesn't take very long...about 15-20 minutes.  What it does take though, is faithfulness and commitment.  This has been one of the lessons we have learned on this journey.  First of all, we have realized how Unfaithful and Uncommitted we have been.  Oh, we thought we were very spiritual!  But after a few months of our morning prayers.... well, we got a good glimpse of how faithless we really were.  That was an eye-opener for me.

Another thing that we have learned is to trust in HIM and not people.  People will let you down, no matter how good their intentions.  No matter how much you love them, and admire them, people are people and they are human.  Go figure!  :-)  People are Human!  And Yahuah is YHWH and He is merciful and kind and gracious to us -- HUMANS!  Thank you Abba!

The last thought for today is: People are God's messengers.  We have had so many miracles happen because of God's people.  I am so grateful to EVERYONE in my life.  It doesn't matter if you scold me or encourage me, I am so grateful you are a part of my life.  Some of you have caused us to stop and take inventory, to really look at our journey.  It was hurtful at first, until I realized, it is good to have balanced scales.  If the scales of our life only tipped in the direction of our desires we would be really spoiled children.  But people who don't agree with us, keep us on the straight and narrow.  I appreciate their role in my life, and frankly, I love them for it.  For with every discouraging comment, comes a resolve in my heart to make sure that I am doing the right thing.  For those who are my encouragers, I appreciate you because you help me to weather the negative enough to get to the positive assurance of my direction.  How I thank you!  

So, for Part 1 of this amazing adventure I will just say that Abba has blessed us with some wonderful friends who are going out of their way to make our last days in Texas as wonderful and stress free as possible.   I would like to say THANK YOU to them.  What a blessing!  

For the next 10 days we will be in an oasis in the Texas hill country.  We still have some packing to accomplish and some items to be shipped, but Abba has provided us a sanctuary to get away from the hub-bub in the evenings to rest and refresh ourselves.  

All Praise and Esteem to the Mighty One of Yisrael!