Honestly

I don’t like conflict.  I guess no one really does.  But especially between people I love.  

Now, I don’t really mind if people disagree with me.  I used to but not anymore.  Everyone has to live their own lives and walk their own paths.  My path is definitely suited for me.  I don’t expect anyone to walk my journey.

What I don’t understand is why we human beings feel that we can direct someone else’s path?  I do it, and so does everyone else in my life.  It is not meant to be hurtful, it is just that we are all so utterly aware of our shortcomings that we try to make ourselves feel better by pointing out the frailties of those around us.  I don’t think it is a conscious thing.  I think we do it as a reflex.  I know that I feel it is much less painful to “help” someone else than to work on myself! :-)  

Lately, I am trying to be brutally honest with myself.  It is not easy and does not feel good.  And I am not saying that I am making any significant changes as a result.  BUT I am trying to confront the demons in my life.  

I am finding that they (the demons) are not as big and scary as I thought they were.  I may just have the courage to take them on head-to-head.  With the support and encouragement of those I love, I will be able to do that.  

I know that even writing this, some will find this offensive.  It really is not directed at anyone.  I am just thinking out loud.  Maybe I should keep my thoughts to myself.  I guess I could, but I want people to know that I struggle with this “finger-pointing” every day.  I do it, I know I do.  It is part of the brutally honest inventory that I am making.   I just want others to know… I am so sorry and I do not intend to hurt anyone.

I want to say, “Thank you.” Thank you for all the times you have been honest with me and I was offended.  It did me good.  Please, continue to be honest with me.  I need it.