Desert Flower Blooms

Desert Flower Blooms

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Expectations Too Low

Can you risk the hope that God still has dreams for your life or that He hasn't forgotten you?

I have told God not to make me any more promises before. I am getting older and there are so many things that I would have liked to have seen or done in my life. And I have to admit, sometimes I get angry at God and wonder why I have these hopes and dreams if He is not going to fulfill them.

One of those dreams has always been to be a mom. I love children so much and I want so much to have children of my own.

God gave me that opportunity many years ago, but because of life's circumstances and my own fears I aborted that blessing. It was my decision ultimately but one made out of duress. If I could take it back, knowing what I know now, I would in a heartbeat. So now my child is in my Heavenly Father's care. Jordan Keeley is her name and I love her with all my heart.

Then I tried to make the dream come true by adopting 3 children, all full siblings, very close in age. After 2 years of love and care and psychiatrists, and doctors, and therapists, I was spent. I became physically and emotionally ill. And the final outcome was to reliquish them back to the custody of the state. This is another story that needs to be told soon, but suffice it to say trying to make things happen is not a good thing.

Just one dream of mine that I feel like I cannot risk hoping for anymore.

Lately, I was talking to the Lord about this particular dream and He told me something very precious. Every child, whose life I have touched, has been my child. I am a spiritual mother to myriads of children! What a blessing!

I am a teacher, tutor, catechist, friend, aunt...and all those children are mine spiritually. What a joy! How much better is that than just having one or two biological children? Not that I wouldn't still love to have a biological child but ... I have more children now than I could ever physically have!

So He answered that dream in a way that I wasn't expecting but that is really more fulfilling. What a GREAT Father I have! He thinks in so much broader terms than I do with my finite mind. So hope? Yes, I still hope. Think I have been forgotten or forsaken? Only when I don't see what my Abba sees.

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